The Bachelor Recap, episode 7 and skeletons are gonna come out dancing

Osher’s recap of last week’s Bachelor episode includes (unsurprisingly) the news that sending Sian home was the toughest desicion yet for Matty. This is blatantly not true, but we’ll let it slide.

We meet Matty’s sister Kate straightaway, and are reminded that yes, Matty loves his cute chubby nephew George, and yes, Kate is pregnant. She’ll most likely miss any hometown dates or overseas trips towards the end of this season, so Matty tasks her with visiting the house to drop off a date card, and to throw some traditional family inquisition into the mix.

The girls all lose their mind a little bit when Kate walks in to the mansion, worried that she’s an intruder and might steal their collective boyfriend out from under their noses. Kate puts them at ease, introducing herself and giving body-painter Alix the single date card.

As soon as Matty arrives and explains that Kate will spend the day chatting with the ladies, Leah immediately begins wiping away tears, prompting the girls to speculate that her ‘party planning’ job might be a little more partying, and a little less planning.

Sidenote: Johnson, Matty Johnson. The 007 Aston Martin that Matty whisks away Alix in is just GORGEOUS.

Sister Kate wants to be Matty’s second set of eyes today, and starts the questioning with Leah. After Leah explains that she’s studying a double degree and owns her own business ‘promo, polo, you know’, Kate asks Leah whether she thinks all the girls are here for the right reasons. Mate, please.

Simone gets emotional early into her chat with Kate, and shares that Leah tried to ‘break her’ during the first week. She’s obviously hopeful that at least one other girl will spill the beans on Leah’s manipulation and cattiness too.

Alix looks slightly nervous and pretty buzzed to be trying cableskiing with Matty, but she gets her abs out and throws herself into it wholeheartedly, especially when Matty bets her a massage! I’m slightly concerned about her wardrobe choice, a teeny bikini seems risky?

Alix takes a few dives (seriously, cableskiing looks brutal), but she manages to stand up just as the sun is setting picturesquely over the water; and she earns both a massage and a cosy chocolate fondue session. Alix delights me, and all of Australia, as she laughs her way though a champagne toast and clinks the glass against her teeth; and Matty rewards her for her adorkableness (totally a word) with a rose.

Back at the mansion, Elora and Kate seem to get along great, and at the prerequisite ‘Is everyone here for the right reasons?’ question, Elora drops the possibility that Leah may be an exotic dancer.

After a fantastic date, Alix unfortunately puts her foot in it by bringing up the other girls, making Matty wonder if Alix can get past her insecurities.

It’s group date time, with Matty and his sister checking out the girls teaching young children to make volcanoes. I love/hate the dates with children, and feel super-awkward for those parents who regrettably sign the media release waivers. Lisa, Tara, Jen and Elise look comfortable getting down on the kindy floor, while Laura was left to try to bribe/force a child to hang out with her! (No judgement Laura, it’s a hard life. Even my little bestie Ned can hang me out to dry if he’s not in the mood.)

As the kids start moulding their volcanoes from playdough, Tara’s nannying skills come out to play, with her blonde moustachioed Italian alter-ego Mario teaching her young charge to measure out bicarb. This is definitely a trick I’ll be using with kids in the future!

Leah preempts the sisterly grilling, letting Kate know that she was expecting the ‘party planning’ conversation and that she’s had a bit of a wild past, but she runs the business now, and isn’t one of ‘those girls’. She also throws Elora and Simone under the bus, implicating them in some exotic dancing of their own.

Lucky Laura gets chosen for some one-on-one time for building and growing her relationship with her somewhat reluctant child. They board a paddle steamer to share champers and talk about future family plans, with Laura confessing that she’s not particularly maternal over other people’s children. PROPS FOR HONESTY, LAURA. Big fan.  The truth gets her a kiss and a rose, and I’m delighted for her.

As the girls return to the mansion from the kindy-date, Leah launches straight into attack mode towards both Simone and Elora, threatening to share their dirty laundry. (I don’t think anyone has laundry of Leah’s magnitude, but I’d love to hear it if they do.)

As Kate suggests that Matty should probe a little deeper into  Leah’s past at the evening’s cocktail party, he looks super-uncomfortable and awkward about any lady-drama. Leah does a stellar job explaining her role in her ‘events business’ as purely management and administration, and admits to pushing Simone’s buttons early in the season to try to make Simone explode. Horrible creature.

My ten points for the episode go to Elora, who when the girls are asking Leah about her chat with Matty, fires off ‘Did he tip you?’ as a not-so sly reference to Leah’s adult-entertainment past… or present. Simone confesses that a lifetime ago (kid, it was just three years) she was a topless waitress (for clientele like Warnie, no less!) and Matty seems like he’s totally ok with it, and consoles her.

Osher brings Leah outside to Matty ‘for a word’, and she continues to interrupt him as he questions her bitchiness. She doesn’t even let him get the full sentence ‘I think it’s best that you leave’ out without cutting in with an abrupt comment.  She unloads in the limo, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief that she’s gone.

It is a fittingly dramatic conclusion to an episode which goes out of its way to showcase – in its gaudy, Moroccan-lantern-lit, bitchy Bachelor way – the slightly seedy histories of the contestants before the Daily Mail gets the chance.

Style pick:

This rich burgundy 3rd Love dress looks amazing on Elora’s curves, I would love  to rock this for a cocktail party!

2 thoughts on “The Bachelor Recap, episode 7 and skeletons are gonna come out dancing

  1. No points for that bitchy Elora comment. They go low, we go lower is not how things should be done. Didn’t expect much from her though.

    Perfect opportunity to take the high road, not mount the high horse nor go back to high school.

    1. I know exactly what you mean, but I think any of the ‘ladies’ in the house understand what the high road is, let alone how to take it!

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